Trey and I watched “Transformers” last night. He was a bit surprised I’d gotten it from Netflix, but hey, I’d heard it was good from some people. Well, from some random younger people on the HandsUp Houston board. And every now and again one needs just some fun movie where a lot of sh** gets blown up amid stupid dialogue. It is, after all, a Michael Bay movie. And he really knows how to blow up stuff with cool camera angles catching the well-lit results.
It was a very stupid movie—and I’ll admit to being way too old (as were my siblings) to have ever played with those toys. There were plenty of shots that were perfunctionarily cheesy. (That’s a made up word, according to Microsoft. Perfunctory is the proper word.) Shot’s like close-ups of the hero and (totally unnecessary) heroine with golden light shining on their faces while sh** blows up in the background. (Why their faces were lit up when the light from the explosions is behind them is a question best-left unasked. Because the answer is: It’s a Michael Bay movie!) Or another random shot, again amidst lots of sh** being blown up, of their hands reaching for each other for a gentle caress (also with that golden-rosy light of first young love).
And the dialogue was gloriously silly at times. I mean, only in Hollywood do people have the wherewithal to come up with such catchy slogans in the middle of running for their lives. I haven’t done much running for my life while being chased by alien robots (except in my dreams, where it’s happened more than I’d like), but if it were happening to me, I just don’t think I could come up with much of anything to say, except maybe, “AHHHHHH!”, “Oh my god!”, and “Somebody help me!” Well, actually, that was self-edited, as there would likely be a fair amount of unprintable words that I really try not to use very often (little ears are listening).
My favorite line: “I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot. Who knew?”
And the transformers themselves, at least the good ones—the Autobots, which they were called even though they likely didn’t need automobiles in their native planet, and seemed to randomly choose cars as their personal transformable vehicles—each had distinct personalities that seemed to be based on generic human stereotypes. Then again, maybe that name wasn’t meant to be associated with cars...but hey, they were named by some random toy marketing genius in the eighties, so it probably was.
(Internal voice: “It’s a Michael Bay movie based on toys! Do not expect realism! Stupid, Gah!”)
Okay, so “Transformers” is basically a movie created for young boys in 4th or 5th grade, with dialogue to match, and so much product placement if you tried to play the product placement drinking game, you’d be pitch drunk before the movie was a third over. Unless you’re me, and you don’t drink, in which case you’d be drunk 10 minutes in and have to stop the movie to go vomit (so you could keep watching the movie). Even so, it was a little bit fun, but definitely not recommended for kids under 6, unless they really like cars and trucks and have the maturity to realize it’s all fake and daddy’s truck is not ever going to suddenly rise up and start walking. Because it’s not. Daddy’s truck is just a truck. And the Transformers are just toys that are probably covered in lead paint and have parts that can break off and choke someone.
On an unrelated note: Thanks so much for the virtual hugs from the last post. It was very much appreciated.
It was a very stupid movie—and I’ll admit to being way too old (as were my siblings) to have ever played with those toys. There were plenty of shots that were perfunctionarily cheesy. (That’s a made up word, according to Microsoft. Perfunctory is the proper word.) Shot’s like close-ups of the hero and (totally unnecessary) heroine with golden light shining on their faces while sh** blows up in the background. (Why their faces were lit up when the light from the explosions is behind them is a question best-left unasked. Because the answer is: It’s a Michael Bay movie!) Or another random shot, again amidst lots of sh** being blown up, of their hands reaching for each other for a gentle caress (also with that golden-rosy light of first young love).
And the dialogue was gloriously silly at times. I mean, only in Hollywood do people have the wherewithal to come up with such catchy slogans in the middle of running for their lives. I haven’t done much running for my life while being chased by alien robots (except in my dreams, where it’s happened more than I’d like), but if it were happening to me, I just don’t think I could come up with much of anything to say, except maybe, “AHHHHHH!”, “Oh my god!”, and “Somebody help me!” Well, actually, that was self-edited, as there would likely be a fair amount of unprintable words that I really try not to use very often (little ears are listening).
My favorite line: “I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot. Who knew?”
And the transformers themselves, at least the good ones—the Autobots, which they were called even though they likely didn’t need automobiles in their native planet, and seemed to randomly choose cars as their personal transformable vehicles—each had distinct personalities that seemed to be based on generic human stereotypes. Then again, maybe that name wasn’t meant to be associated with cars...but hey, they were named by some random toy marketing genius in the eighties, so it probably was.
(Internal voice: “It’s a Michael Bay movie based on toys! Do not expect realism! Stupid, Gah!”)
Okay, so “Transformers” is basically a movie created for young boys in 4th or 5th grade, with dialogue to match, and so much product placement if you tried to play the product placement drinking game, you’d be pitch drunk before the movie was a third over. Unless you’re me, and you don’t drink, in which case you’d be drunk 10 minutes in and have to stop the movie to go vomit (so you could keep watching the movie). Even so, it was a little bit fun, but definitely not recommended for kids under 6, unless they really like cars and trucks and have the maturity to realize it’s all fake and daddy’s truck is not ever going to suddenly rise up and start walking. Because it’s not. Daddy’s truck is just a truck. And the Transformers are just toys that are probably covered in lead paint and have parts that can break off and choke someone.
On an unrelated note: Thanks so much for the virtual hugs from the last post. It was very much appreciated.
1 Comments:
sounds right up our alley. well actually not, but then our netflix queue doesn't really go up any specific alley. we're watching Bourne Supremacy tonight. Then we've got a movie I put on the list but don't know much about called 1900. I know more about it now than when I put it on the list I think, because if I had noticed that the movie doesn't fit on a single dvd I might have second guessed the choice but then maybe I did second guess the choice but don't remember doing it in which case the movie must have some pre-merit. hmmm. I'll have to tell you later. Okay, what's Michael Bay known for?
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